This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
July 29th, 1982 was the day God brought me from my mom’s womb into this beautiful world. When I was in my twenties, I always wondered why so many people in their forties talked about life lessons, true happiness, finding themselves, and so on. I remember I used to get annoyed whenever I heard those “forties advisors” and think, “I know what happiness is and I know who I am … and I’m only twenty, dudes!” Ugh … the egocentric twenties. Good times, for sure, but no humility at all.
Well, here I am twenty years later, and guess what? I’m going to be one of those annoying 40-year-old advisors. You don’t have to keep reading if you don’t want to. If you’re in your twenties and you already know everything about life, please go ahead and stop reading. Or, you’re welcome to stay and read this even if it doesn’t make sense to you just yet. You can keep it and read it again when you’re forty.
Because I’m turning 40, and I don’t want to make this post super long, I’m going to share with you what I think are the four major lessons I’ve learned well at this point in life. Please notice I didn’t say I’ve mastered these lessons; I just feel like I can manage a few things in a better way (meaning a way that works for and serves me) after 40 years of navigating my life’s journey.
Lesson number 1: It’s okay to cry. To all my family members who are about to say, “You’ve always cried … A LOT,” stop right there. For many, many years, I was under the impression that crying was a way I could get attention and manipulate outcomes in my favor. (Sorry, Mom and Dad. Sorry, Sis and Bro.) Still, it’s the ugly truth. Then, something happened. One of my mom’s friends told me I looked really ugly when I cried. I know she probably didn’t have bad intentions behind that comment, but it created a negative effect on me—I started suppressing some of my feelings in order to avoid the tears and ugliness, which wasn’t a good practice. All I want you to take from this is that it’s okay to cry when you feel like crying, although you shouldn’t do it to manipulate outcomes or make yourself a victim. It’s okay to cry when your soul and body need to pour out some heaviness, and honestly, it doesn’t matter how you look when you do it.
Lesson number 2: It’s okay to be you. I know this is a cliché phrase that we hear ad nauseam, and for some people it might be annoying because they don’t even know who they are yet. But after many years of trying to fit into society, even though it sometimes meant I had to shut down my own perspective, I can tell you that being you means listening to your own voice first. My boyfriend is 10 years younger than me, and the “society” I used to listen to so carefully has strongly criticized me for that. The truth is, however, I’m extremely happy, and I couldn’t care less about the “social standards” or the “age relationship rules” established by … who even knows? I’m listening to my own opinion. I’m being me, not who the rest of the world expects me to be. And that, my friends, is freedom!
Lesson number 3: It’s okay to fail. I’ve said this before, and I’m going to keep saying it. Social media is a great tool, but it’s also a dangerous place to be if you’re not strong enough to manage it. The vast majority of people only post success stories on social media, even if they’re fake. Please don’t misunderstand me; I love seeing success and positive stories. But the reality is we’re all human beings, and we learn by failing again and again. Some people feel the horrible pressure of comparing themselves with all those successes stories posted on social media, and they might get the mistaken impression that failing isn’t an option. Keep in mind, though, that behind pretty much every success story are plenty of failures. So, it’s okay to fail; no one should judge you for that. If people DO judge you, then remember lesson number two and be you no matter what!
Lesson number 4: Last but not least, it’s okay to say no. Out of the 40 years I’ve been swimming through my life’s journey, I’ve been the people-pleaser type for 38 of them. Only recently did I finally realize that I’m allowed to say no to people when I don’t feel like doing something. I used to be so afraid of saying no that I would exhaust myself or get into situations I didn’t like, just to avoid doing it. I’ve been practicing saying no for the past year, and guess what? The people who truly love me still love me, and the world keeps moving without any issues. What?! So, if you’re a people pleaser and you find yourself saying yes to everything, try saying “no” one time and see what happens. If you get invited to a party you don’t want to go to, simply say “no thank you” (unless it’s your wedding 🤣). You don’t even need to explain anything. I promise you the world won’t stop, and people will still love you even if it doesn’t look like it at first.
Turning 40 is actually fun, my friends. For a long time, I was under the impression it would be a stressful birthday for me, based on how I felt when I turned 30. But I’m extremely grateful for where I am in my life’s journey and who I have become. I feel great, and I really love seeing myself grow. So, happy birthday to me! As the old saying in my home country goes: Welcome to the fourth floor!
Love,
Irene
