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I still don’t understand why people ask this question. Yes, I’m talking about that silly question some people like to ask to couples: “Who was the first one to let ‘I love you’ escape their lips?” Ugh! Does it really matter? I don’t get it.
Anyway, today is my second anniversary of writing here every single week. Yay! Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! If you started reading this blog recently, first of all, welcome and thank you! Let me explain why I decided to launch my divorce blog on Valentine’s Day. Well, the explanation is very simple, I asked for a divorce (for the third time, but that was when I finally got the ‘yes’) a day like today, three years ago. (I know you must be confused because my first paragraph doesn’t seem to have anything to do with this one, but bear with me for a moment because I like to keep everyone in the loop.)
This blog has been and keeps being my best therapist. I have opened my vulnerability valve here completely, and that has been a great way to become more aware of my feelings and behaviors. I’ve learned to know and love myself on a much deeper level. I really love writing here. I’ve mentioned a few times in previous posts that I don’t write with the intention to be liked or accepted. I share things that aren’t easy for me to let out. I know some people judge me for doing what I do, but the intention behind my writing is to express that being vulnerable is a necessity if we want to accept and love ourselves. I feel so light and great at this point that I wouldn’t change anything about my experience even if I had the opportunity to do so. I’m proud of who I was and who I am. So, cheers everyone! Thank you for reading me! I’m grateful for you ALL!
Speaking of vulnerability, let me go back to the main subject for today. Who said it first? I keep seeing these little videos on social media where couples are asked a set of questions about them and their relationship. I have seen maybe five different ones, and I’ve noticed that the only question that remains the same in all of them is, “Who said I love you first?” I really don’t understand what the big deal is with that. Is it a competition that I didn’t know about?
Well, apparently it’s not a competition. I decided to read up on it, and several studies in social psychology focus on this subject. In general, people assume that women utter this powerful little phrase first, and the fear of rejection is the primary thing that keeps people from saying it. Additionally, several social implications make some people think the person who says it first is merely looking to get something more out of the relationship, and (big surprise) sex is one of those things. Some women are convinced that men who say the three magic words first are only looking to be rewarded with sex. The number of beliefs and connotations around the phrase are unbelievable. Well, at least it seems that way to me. If you know me, you know I live in a little pink bubble, and I was always under the impression that we should say ‘I love you’ the moment we feel it. I didn’t know it was this complicated.
So, I decided to write about it today. Perfect timing, right? Talk about love on Valentine’s Day, Irene! Wow! What a great idea! 🤣 Ok, back to business. Why do we complicate things this much? Love is the world’s most beautiful feeling, so why get weird about it when you want to express it? Is it because you’re afraid of rejection? If that’s the case, let me ask you something: Do you love only because you’re going to receive that feeling back? Yes? Well then, now let me tell you something: The love you feel is yours. Other people can’t feel what you feel. I mean, everything that makes you feel good internally when love is in your heart is yours. I get that maybe something or someone external brought you to that great feeling of love, but the feeling is yours. So, when you feel it, why not express it? Don’t do it because you expect the other person to say the same, but because what you feel is so great you want to let it out.
We really need to stop complicating things that shouldn’t be complicated. We need to be okay with being vulnerable. We need to open ourselves and accept our feelings as they are. As Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” So, please don’t be afraid to express what you feel. It doesn’t matter who says it first. It doesn’t matter if the other person doesn’t say it back if they’re not there yet. If your heart is full of love, then say the three words as a way of honoring yourself and your feelings. Express your love because you’ve been gifted with such an amazing feeling, and it’s yours. If you’re a religious person, I bet you didn’t have any issues saying, ‘I love you’ to God for the first time, knowing His reply would come from your own heart. So, if you love someone, go tell them without expectations because that’s your feeling and you’re the one who gets to enjoy it.
Love isn’t a competition, my friends. It’s the most beautiful feeling God gave us, so please don’t complicate it. When you feel it, say it, show it, enjoy it, and spread it. The more you embrace love, the more you’ll savor life. I hope you all have a beautiful Valentine’s Day! Let me share one little secret: You don’t need a romantic partner to enjoy this day! If you do, great! Tell them ‘I love you’ first, second, and keep it going. If you don’t have a partner, then look at the mirror and say ‘I love you’ to your beautiful self!
Thank you for keeping up with me these two amazing years! Let’s go for many more!
Love,
Irene
