This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
Have you ever done a wall squat? If your answer is yes, then you know they look easy but they are the definition of hardship in one exercise. If your answer is no, then let me explain to you how they work. You just go to a wall, put your back against it, and pretend to sit in a nonexistent chair underneath you. Yes! That’s it. Easy and simple. So why did I say they are the definition of hardship in one exercise? Because they are painful. The longer you “sit,” the more you feel a burning sensation in your quadriceps like a fire started from the inside.
A month ago, I really hated them. When I got my training plan for the month and saw that they were part of it, and for four rounds of ONE COMPLETE, LONG, INTENSE, ENDLESS MINUTE, I told my trainer: “I hate you!” I complained and whined about it to my mom, and she told me she didn’t understand why I was so upset about something that looked so easy to do. I started laughing and told her, “OK, you try them and then we can talk.” So she went to the wall, but because she has a bad knee she could not go all the way down. I explained to her they look easy because you’re not moving, but your muscles are working really hard to hold you up, so it’s painful when you stay like that for more than few seconds.
I just completed the four weeks for this training plan. And the reason I said I “hated” them (past tense) is because now I can see and feel the benefits of doing them. My pain threshold has improved significantly; I know, because the burning sensation doesn’t bother me the same way it did four weeks ago. It may be a mental trick, but it is great to feel I have more control over the pain. In addition to that, I noticed I can now do my lower body workout and not feel exhausted. I was so impressed by the benefits that I went and read a little about them to understand the science behind them, but don’t worry! I’m not going to write here about boring scientific facts… well, not that much. I still need to make my point!
Wall squats won’t give you bigger muscles, but they add strength to your muscles. By practicing them often, you’ll be able to hold the position for longer periods of time because they will increase your muscular endurance. At this point, I’m pretty sure you’re thinking, “So Irene… why are you talking about all of this in your divorce smart blog? We can read about wall squats in a fitness blog!” Well, I do have an answer for you! Muscular endurance is the equivalent of emotional tolerance, and did you know that tolerance is a KEY factor when going through divorce, or any kind of separation, in a smart way?
The same way I hated wall squats a few weeks ago, I hated the pain that infidelity has caused me. And no, I’m not saying I would like being cheated on now, in case that’s what you were thinking. I just want to share a few things I learned about tolerance and the benefits of practicing it. But let’s get clear on something before we dive in. According to Merriam- Webster Dictionary, tolerance is “the ability to accept, experience, or survive something harmful or unpleasant.” It is important to know the definition in order to understand why this is a key factor when you want to have a peaceful separation experience.
I was cheated on more than once, and not only by my ex-husband. To be brutally honest with you all, I have never been in a relationship where my partner hasn’t cheated on me. And I can tell you that every single infidelity I knew about was equally painful. I don’t like being cheated on; I mean, who does? I have never done it, and I will never do it. I just do not agree with it. I am the type of person who firmly believes in self-respect and respect for others NO MATTER WHAT. The tolerance I have developed through the years is not necessarily regarding infidelity. The tolerance I am talking about is the strength I created by understanding that I can’t control other people’s behavior.
When someone is cheating on you that is THEIR action, exclusively. It does not have anything to do with you. Even when they try their hardest to blame others for their behavior, they are 100% responsible for that. And we can’t control other’s people actions. You can cry. You can yell. You can make them share their location with you so you can check on where they are 24/7 (yep, I did that), and yet you won’t be able to control their actions and desires. So when dealing with infidelity you have only two options: you can look the other way, COMPLETELY forgive them, move on, and stay with them (if they are asking for forgiveness, of course), or you can say enough is enough and walk away.
Those two options are perfectly fine, as long as you feel at ease by taking one or the other of them. You are not wrong if you decide to forgive, as long as you can grow your relationship to a level of understanding where the infidelity won’t hurt you in any way. And you are not wrong if you decide you want to walk away. What you really need to have, either way, is tolerance. You need to be strong enough to understand that you can’t control other’s people actions. If you decide to forgive and stay, be tolerant enough to accept your significant other with all his or her flaws. If you decide to walk away, be tolerant enough to forgive as well, so you can leave peacefully and be strong enough to let go and move on.
The same way practicing wall squats will only work for YOUR own muscle endurance and benefit only you, practicing tolerance is something you do for yourself. It is a form of self-respect and self-love. Being tolerant doesn’t mean you are weak. Quite the opposite. Being tolerant is a superior way to hug yourself from the inside out, so no one from the outside can hurt you.
So if you have not done it yet, start practicing those emotional wall squats!
Love,
Irene
P.S.: The same way there is no magic pills to lose weight or shape your body other than eating well and exercising, there is not magic pills to deal with infidelity. When dealing with it, it is your choice to do what it is best for YOU. Remember, we can’t control other people’s actions, so make your decisions based on the only thing you can control: yourself!
