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“You wouldn’t understand!” Have you ever said these words to someone or maybe had the intention to say them? I have… many, many times. Actually, it’s a very common phrase for me. I’m not sure why I feel like people don’t understand me; after all, I don’t think I’m weird (well, maybe I am a little 😉). Overall, I feel like I’m as human as everyone else—a multifaceted interconnection of complexities and simplicities. The more I pay attention to people, the more I confirm that we’re all fighting the same battles, only from different angles.
It amazes me how we’re all so similar, yet we often feel so misunderstood. Sometimes I feel like our innate tendency to feel connected is what makes us so strongly yearn to be understood. The majority of human beings want to feel like people understand them and approve of them. That’s the simplest explanation I can think of for our need to be understood. People simply want to feel like others approve of their behaviors and reactions. I’ve been thinking about this very human quality for quite some time, and as always, I’ll share my reasoning so you might feel connected in some way.
I consider myself a very persistent person. Whenever I decide I want to accomplish something, I can’t stop until it happens. I’ve been this way since I was a little girl, but I feel like that tendency has intensified lately. I can’t tell you why because I honestly don’t know, but I can tell you I am extremely persistent.
Is it healthy to live life this way? Well, it totally is for me. But the issue I encounter from time to time is that people don’t understand the way I see life. The thing is that I set huge goals for myself in pretty much all aspects of my life. So I keep pushing my limits in order to accomplish my goals, but because I don’t have a visible competition going on, people don’t get why I demand so much from myself. For instance, when I say to someone that I eat healthy, they always ask when my diet will change back to “normal.” Or when I say that I work more than 100 hours a week sometimes, they ask when I’m going to enjoy the fruits of having my own business and live a “normal” life.
I’ve also been asked many times why I keep working out so hard if I’m not in a competition (like a bikini contest or something). I’ve been told that I’m too excessive. I’ve been told that I don’t “enjoy” life because I’m too structured. I’ve been told that I’m “closed-minded” because I don’t accept suggestions on how to be less “extreme.” I have been judged so many times: “Why don’t you drink soda?” “Why don’t you eat sweets?” (I actually do, but because they aren’t of the common variety, I get weird looks.) “Why do you wake up at 4:30AM every day if you don’t need to?” “Why do you listen to audiobooks instead of music?” (Yep, even that one.) Why this? Why that? Can you guess what my internal answer is every time I hear these questions?
“You wouldn’t understand.” That’s my explanation. The more I get judged for being the way I am, the more I want to understand those who don’t seem to understand me. I really put myself in other people’s shoes and do my best to see their feedback as a way of caring. I know the majority of the people who say those things to me are just trying to help me from their perspective. I’ve concluded that people want to see tangible goals in order for them to understand persistence. They need to see the trophy waiting for those who are giving their very best in order for the hustle and the grind to make sense to them.
I wish I could show my brain in a projector to everyone who needs to see that trophy. I wish I could have a better way to explain that my competition is internal. I wish I could show everyone my level of satisfaction every time I accomplish one of my internal goals. I don’t wish all these things so I can feel better; I wish them because that way I could help those around me who are just showing me that they care to feel better about my way of living.
At the end of the day, even when we want so much to feel understood, people will always see everything from their own perspective. We will always see other people’s battles from our own angle in the fight. So what we should do instead of trying to be understood is be understanding.
I’m slowly learning that life smiles at us when we stop asking and start giving. I’m not merely asking for great results; I’m trying my best to attain them. I really love pushing myself to my limits, and I’m not asking people to understand why I am this way. I simply want to let you know that I’m happy, even when I don’t win trophies that I can show you. I promise you that I’ll continue doing my best to appreciate your care for me and the way you fight your own battles.
If you’re like me and your biggest competitor is yourself, keep pushing, my friend! I know the path to achieving our own version of internal greatness feels very lonely sometimes, but the beauty of getting it is always worth it!
Love,
Irene
