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Do you consider yourself a tolerant person? If you answered ‘yes’ without hesitation, let’s do a little test. Imagine you wake up and realize you’re out of coffee (or whatever it is you love to drink first thing in the morning). You get in the shower and for some reason the hot water isn’t working. Your dog takes 20 minutes longer to do its business on your walk, and now you’re late for work. Traffic is horrible, and the GPS shows that you’ll now be 30 minutes late because of a roadblock. When the nearest traffic light to get to your office turns green, a very old lady crosses the street very slowly, holding a poster protesting against democracy. Now, let me ask you the same question again. In the middle of this specific situation, would you still consider yourself a tolerant person?
I know I wouldn’t yell at the lady, but I would definitely get very stressed. If you ask me if I’m a tolerant person, I’ll always say, “It depends.” I’ll be completely honest here; my level of tolerance is in direct proportion to my current situation. I know I have more tolerance when I let my brain process the situation; if I’m in a rush and can’t take the time to breathe deeply, then I become a little less tolerant.
When it comes to tolerance, most of us generally have a double standard. We tolerate our own behavior with no issues, but when it comes to having tolerance for others … well … that’s a whole different ballgame. I decided to write about this interesting subject after a nice conversation I had with one of my dearest aunties. We were talking about Jack, my handsome nephew, and I was explaining to her how some people just don’t understand his autism when he behaves differently than society expects. Her reply was so accurate. She told me, “Well, my lovely niece, we’re tolerant when we’re the ones doing something, but if we see others doing the same thing, we judge and condemn them.” She’s right. We all want people to have tolerance for us, but we don’t practice tolerance for others. It’s one of those things we expect from others, but we don’t always notice if we’re practicing it the same way we want to receive it.
I have to admit that of the many things Jack has taught me, tolerance is one of the most valuable. People with autism don’t follow social rules. They follow their impulses, and some of those things aren’t socially accepted. For instance, Jack is going through a stage where clothes bother him. If you haven’t had the opportunity to meet someone on the autism spectrum, let me explain something important to help you understand them better. Most of them are oversensitive to sensory information, meaning they feel things much more than other people. Jack went through a stage where noise completely overwhelmed him, which was a challenge for everyone because we wanted to help him, but we didn’t know how. Now, he’s going through this clothes phobia stage, and this is a bigger challenge because society doesn’t understand how much the feeling of clothes against his skin bothers him. People just think he’s a nudist. “Oh my goodness, what a lack of respect! His parents haven’t taught him good manners; how can they just let him take his clothes off like that?” The judgements get harsher and harsher because society doesn’t know how to stop.
However, autism is part of our family, so we have become more tolerant when we see children with “weird attitudes.” We get it. We’ve developed another level of empathy, and that comes with more tolerance. Still, I firmly believe there is always room to improve and be better humans. So, when my auntie told me her thoughts about tolerance, I decided to pay more attention to my level of tolerance for others. I have challenged myself to become more aware of my reactions to other people’s behavior and to take the time to think before reacting.
I know it’s a lot easier to write about this approach than to actually apply it, but I really want to do my best. I owe it to Jack and to all the people on the spectrum. We have to be better for them. We have to restructure the old social rules and become more inclusive when it comes to genetic conditions. God has sent us all to this world with our own unique purposes, and we have to help each other work toward them.
Think about it like this: The majority of us are extremely tolerant with our dogs, and they don’t follow social rules AT ALL! So, if we can be like that with our four-legged friends, we can also be great with all human beings. I know, I know! It’s a challenge. But we can do it!
Tolerance is a fancy word for ‘acceptance,’ my friends. We need to practice it more because it turns out we are ALL humans, and we’re fighting the same battles from different angles. So, what may be happening to me at this moment may happen to you later on. Let’s try to understand before reacting. Let’s practice breathing deeply before judging someone. We’re all God’s children, and we must love each other no matter what.
Love,
Irene
