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Humans are social animals. Whether you consider yourself an introvert or not, it is a fact that we all need to socialize and feel like we’re part of something. I consider myself a light introvert because I like to be alone from time to time. I think I’m enjoying my alone time more lately, and I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that I have worked so much on myself that I like being with me now. And yes, before you say it, meditation has helped me a lot to like myself this much!
When I was married, I kind of isolated myself into my relationship. I was not very social, and for a time that was good. We were enjoying each other so much that I removed myself from my friend circle. It’s not that we were completely closed and didn’t ever go out with people, but we didn’t have a circle of really good friends with whom we would hang out. My ex-husband complained about this frequently, even after we got divorced. A few months after our divorce, he tried to blame me for keeping him away from friends. I asked him, “Do you realized that it was perfect to keep ourselves away from people for that time so we could create our own business without anyone saying anything or interfering?” He was speechless! After few minutes he told me, “You are completely right. I never saw it from that perspective.” I said, “I know. I’m always right!” ☺ LOL
When we started having bigger issues—meaning I discovered he was cheating on me—I did not have the confidence to talk to anyone. I kept everything to myself. I did this for two reasons: 1) I was completely ashamed, and 2) I did not want anyone to tell me what to do. The first time I managed it very well. To the world outside, we were the perfect couple with no issues. On the inside, however, we got to the point where he started sharing his location with me 24/7 to “help me” trust him again. I did my best to forgive, forget, and keep going, but four months later he did it again with a different person. That was not easy to manage. I was really hurt.
I managed to maintain the “perfect couple” appearance from the outside for six months. Nobody knew we were having issues—not even our families. Then we moved to my mom’s house because we were starting the business and our problems became more evident. At one point, we decided he would go stay at his brother’s house to see if being apart for some time would help, and that was the moment God gave me the courage to ask for help. So my mom, my sister, my dear amazing friend Ydalis, and my mother-in-law became my support circle. They knew what was going on, and they offered me the sweet, soothing support that I so desperately needed.
My mom and sister have always got my back, and they know me so well that they let me manage my life while offering me respect and understanding. I am beyond grateful they were there for me.
My mother-in-law was always there to listen to me, anytime I needed it. She was not happy about the fact we were separated, but she kept checking on me with so much care. She talked to her son many times and asked him to please stop hurting me with his behavior. It was nice to have her support during the difficult times.
I was working at that time in the same company with my dear friend Ydalis. I am so grateful that God sent her my way to be by my side during the divorce process. And before I keep telling you how amazing she is, I want to be really clear about something. Not everyone knows how to advise others during difficult times in such a way that they can make better choices. I want to be clear on this because sometimes we are so desperate in the middle of a difficult situation that we do what I call the “convenient call.” The convenient call is when we ask for advice based on what we want to hear instead of what we really need to hear. For instance, let’s say you’re on a diet and you really want to eat some greasy, unhealthy French fries, so you ask the least healthy of your friends if you should eat them, knowing that person will say yes. The convenient call is looking for a cheerleader to celebrate and support our weaknesses instead of someone who helps us make better choices. We have all done this at some point.
My friend Ydalis was not my convenient call. She was an amazing support who helped me keep my faith up at the highest level during the whole process. She did not judge me at any point; instead, she reminded me that God’s plans are always better than ours. She cried with me when I needed it, and she pushed me to believe I was strong enough to overcome the situation in the best possible way. She didn’t judge me for keeping the divorce friendly. She supported my way of forgiving and encouraged me to work on myself to do it in an even better way. I know; she’s awesome right? Do you need her to help you go through your separation process? She will charge you with dark chocolate and make you work out with her. ☺ JK! I am pretty sure God has an Ydalis for you, too!
Today I wanted to let you know that we all need a support circle. Please don’t isolate yourself when you are going through separation. Just be mindful of who you let be part of your support circle. Don’t use the convenient call method. You do not need a large number of people, you just need the few who are willing to hold you and push you to become a better you. Ask God for guidance to find the best support circle for you, and I promise He will present it to you in the best possible way.
Love,
Irene
P.S. Thank you to my phenomenal support circle! I love you with all my heart!
