This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
Every time I see or hear this phrase, I think of my big sister (I don’t want to call her old). She always says, “How am I supposed to ‘read’ people? Do they have letters all over their faces, or what?” She takes the phrase very literally, and it makes me laugh because in a way she has a point.
Obviously, the phrase is a short way to say, “Pay close attention to people’s actions and behaviors, and you’ll be able to predict their reactions (to an extent).” Of course, we’re all better at “reading” our loved ones and the people in our circle, but we can sometimes do it with people we don’t know if we practice a lot.
Even though my sister says she’s not very good at reading people, I know she can spot when something isn’t going well with anyone in our family. She may have a hard time reading strangers, but I know she’s really good at it with the people she knows. Jack (my handsome nephew) has helped her to better develop this extra sense.
I consider myself good at reading people because I like to pay attention. I take the time to analyze behaviors, I listen a lot, and I ask questions (when I know the person of course … it’s not like I go around the city asking strangers a bunch of questions). By watching, listening, and asking questions, I feel like I can help my family and friends more often because I tend to notice when something is off. I know how my loved ones are feeling just by listening to their first hello over the phone. This sort of perception may be familiar to you, but I know many people who haven’t developed that extra sense.
The secret to becoming good at reading people is obviously practice and learning to truly pay attention. If you want to test this theory, start with just one person who is very close to you. Listen carefully when they talk, watch their reactions when you say something, and notice their routines. Once you get into the habit of paying attention, it becomes easier, and the easier it gets, the more you’ll notice when they need help. Once you’ve mastered reading that one person, believe me, practicing the art of reading people will become second nature.
My boyfriend is really good at this. He’s a master with strangers. Anytime we see someone walking by, he analyzes every visible thing about that person—the way they walk, their clothes, how they move, how they talk … I mean everything. Then, he’ll casually ask me if I noticed the person had a tattoo on their right pinky finger. What? I mean, when I see someone I may notice if they’re acting nervous, but that’s it. He always jokes and says he sees everything with a third eye, and I actually believe he has an extremely well-developed extra sense for reading people.
I believe that practicing the art of paying close attention to people gives us the opportunity to build better relationships and also helps us avoid connecting with people who won’t add good vibes to our lives. When we’re able to read the energy and vibes of the people around us, we can focus on adding only those whose energy we like or maybe even need. The coolest thing about this practice of reading people is that it feels like a superpower once you master it, but we all have the capacity to develop that power. It only takes practice.
My sister is right. People don’t have letters all over their faces, but most of us act and behave in such a methodical and particular way that learning to read people is just a matter of paying attention.
Some of you might think this practice could cause you to start labeling people, and maybe you don’t like that idea. However, I do feel we need to have a practice in place that helps us sift out what and who enters our circle. I won’t call it labeling, but I will definitely call it filtering. Labeling people means you’re judging them based on your perspective and rejecting their way of being if it’s different than yours. Filtering people means you’re protecting your circle by letting in people who match—or at least complement—your energy and vibes. You don’t judge people when you practice filtering. They can still be them. You simply decide to let them be who they are (and of course always be kind), but you don’t invite them into your inner circle. See? It’s not the same.
Now, if you fail to read someone and they hurt you because of that, don’t be hard on yourself. It happens, and it’s normal. Even if you’re usually an expert at reading people, some people have the capacity to fool others. I’ve had some experiences myself where I’ve failed big time at reading some people who ended up not only hurting me but also my circle. If this happens to you, please be kind to yourself. I didn’t have the tendency to be kind to myself, and I dragged the guilty, awkward feeling with me longer than necessary. When you fail at reading a person or situation, learn from it and let it go quickly.
Reading people is a great practice, my friends. We can protect ourselves and help our loved ones when we get good at it. It’s not a superpower that only a few can access. Reading people is possible for all of us if we’re willing to practice paying more attention. It’s as simple as it sounds, but it takes commitment. So, if you aren’t familiar with this practice, pick one person you love and just pay extra attention to them. In a short time, you’ll start noticing how you can actually “read” them … even without visible letters.
Love,
Irene
