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Have you ever asked yourself how many times you’ve felt deep emotional pain that’s not real? Let me explain my question. I can easily bet without any risk of losing (sorry, my competitive mind is kicking in as usual) that every single human being on this planet has imagined bad situations at some point. Our minds can create a movie from beginning to end with no problem. Not only that, but we are also completely able to feel emotions through our imaginations. Now, think about it. How many times have you felt a deep emotional pain that’s not real?
Our imagination has no limit, which is a blessing and a curse (please note I don’t like the word “curse” at all, but I’m using it to make a point). The same way we’re free to imagine the most beautiful situations, nothing stops us from going the other direction and imagining truly horrible ones as well. I’m pretty sure at this point you’ve already remembered some of your most epic, personal, mind-created horror movies. Imagination is such a powerful force inside our minds that it can actually make us physically feel the emotions it creates.
How did I arrive at this subject? Okay, funny story … but please don’t laugh at me! Well, you can laugh, but please don’t judge. 😆 A few days ago, a very special person invited me to watch a horror movie. I don’t like this type of movie, but I decided to give it a try. We watched The Conjuring, and it was okay. I mean, given the fact that I don’t like horror movies, this wasn’t so bad … at that very moment. I went to bed that night and it was all good. However, the next day when I was ready to go to sleep, my mind decided to start playing the imagination game. I started imagining that the guitar I have in my living room would start playing by itself as soon as I closed my eyes. My picture of it was so real that my heart rate went up, and I was scared as F. I had to go to my meditation corner and pray for a little while until I came back to reality.
The next morning, I saw the guitar and started laughing. I knew my imagination had been playing a game, but when we’re inside the game, we can easily get lost and feel those emotions as if they’re real. I’ve been thinking since then about how much suffering we could avoid by being more aware of those moments when our imaginations take us to places that aren’t real. The emotional pain from the things we imagine can be as hurtful as our real situations.
Analyzing all this made me think about the emotional pain created by my imagination during my divorce. I firmly believe that we open the doors of our imagination wide and let the emotional tide flow in at full force when we go through a romantic separation. Maybe we do it because we’re more sensitive during that time, or perhaps we’re simply an emotional mess already. Anyway, our imagination is a dangerous enemy during the separation process.
The first time I discovered my ex-husband was cheating on me, I entered a very active imaginative phase. Since I saw a picture of them together, it was very easy for my mind to create scenarios where they were doing all kind of things. I wasted hours of my precious time creating movies in my head in which I would come home to find them together in our bed. It was so real that my heart rate would go up every time I walked down the hallway to our apartment when I came home from work. I wasted hours of my precious time imagining them talking about me. I wasted hours of my precious time imagining my ex-husband comparing us. Yep! You read that right. I don’t know how much time I wasted on these fake movies, to be honest with you. All I know is that I suffered a lot for things that weren’t real. My mind played a dirty game, and I let it win more times than I should have.
I don’t regret many things in life, but I wish I hadn’t wasted that much time creating scenarios in my head to hurt myself. To be completely honest with you, all the things I imagined hurt only me. The only person who felt the emotional pain of … nothing real … was me, and I regret that. If you’re going through separation, please pay close attention to where you mind takes you and how much you’re suffering over things that aren’t real. Even if your relationship is going well, please pay attention to the things you create with your imagination that hurt you. We really need to be more aware of this wonderful but dangerous feature of our minds. When we are aware, we can detect when we are feeling pain that isn’t real.
We suffer more for the things we imagine than for the things that are really happening, my friends. We have the power to ease a lot of suffering simply by paying attention to what is real and what is only our inner Steven Spielberg attempting to direct the movies we create in our minds. If you find yourself feeling a little anxious when nothing is really going on, take a deeper look and see if you’re just letting that overactive imagination control you. The beauty of that powerful mind of yours is that you can always redirect it to a place where you feel better. See, inside the impermanence of life, you can actually have a little control. 😉
Love,
Irene
