This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
So far, I have shared quite a few of my own divorce experiences with you all, but I have never mentioned before that I also came from a divorced family. The reason I’m telling you this today is not to give you the impression that I was already an expert; I just want to share with you my roots, so you can better understand why I am the way I am.
I was 11 years old when my parents divorced. I came from a family of three siblings: two girls and one boy. I am the youngest child from my dad’s first marriage, and I’m also my mom’s youngest child. (I like to tease my brother and sister about this… I AM THE YOUNGEST!) When my parents divorced, I was the only one who stayed with my mom, for many different reasons. We moved away from the city where I was born to a different city, far away from my dad and siblings.
Divorce is not fun at any age. It is a process that takes time to adapt to, and when children are involved, it is even more complex. Please note that I did not say it is harder; I said it is more complex, because the decision to break up a marriage inevitably changes children’s lives. I can happily say that my parents’ divorce process was not a horrible experience for me. They both made the effort to keep it as friendly as possible in order to make it easier for us.
What I really want to share with you today is my mom’s amazing strength. Now that I have also been through a divorce, I recognize with awe the phenomenal way my mom handled her process. It is impressive that even though the reason for their divorce was infidelity on my dad’s side, I never, ever heard my mom saying anything bad about my dad. Nothing. Nada. Zero! She always refers to him as the great, amazing father of her children, and that made a huge difference in the way we lived the experience. So, the respect I always tell you about? I got it from my mama! 😊
I remember one time I was listening to a conversation between my mom and a woman who was not happy about my parents’ divorce. She was incredibly mad at my dad, and she was telling my mom all kinds of negative things about him. My mom didn’t know I was listening (okay, okay, it was an adult conversation that I was not supposed to listen to; but I did). I was so happy when my mom, after carefully listening to all the garbage that came out of that lady’s mouth, told her in a very smooth way, “You know what? If I was given the opportunity to choose a father for my children again, I would choose him. We were meant to be together to have the beautiful family we had, and now we are meant to be happy going separate ways.” So, the tolerance I’ve mentioned before? I got it from my mama! 😊
We moved to a city where we didn’t know anyone except for one of my cousins who lived there with her husband and son. My mom didn’t have any friends or other family there, so we basically started from zero. My mom was a stay-at-home type of mom. She never worked while she was married. She did not have a degree or a professional career, other than being the best mom ever. She managed to find a job and keep being there for me ALWAYS! (That last part has not changed at all.) She never stopped cooking amazing food for me. She drove me to school every time it was possible, and she never, ever (even when the situation got really tough financially), let me feel unprotected. My mom is so awesome that she managed to give me a terrific teenage experience even when divorce was a much bigger taboo than it is today. So, the inner strength I always tell you about? I got it from my mama! 😊
When the situation in my beautiful Venezuela started to get more and more difficult, my mom—at the age of 47—decided to move to this great country. Now let me tell you something that will amaze you, in case you still need more information in order to agree with me when I say I have the best mom in the world. (I’m sorry Megan Trainor, but your song should be about MY MOM). My mom moved to the U.S. not speaking any English and with only enough money to live for about a month. She managed to find the best job for her (after a few attempts here and there in different places). And for the past 18 years, she has been fulfilling the purpose God gave her in this beautiful life: raising amazing children! Yes, my mom is a nanny. Well, she’s not only A nanny, she is THE nanny. Over all these years, she has taken care of a number of very lucky children, and they all love her! So, when I tell you about opening my heart to find my purpose after my divorce? I got it from my mama! 😊
I am beyond grateful for my mom. I have the pleasure of living with her, and she has been my biggest, most amazing supporter during my divorce process. I have worked a lot on myself this past year, but I can tell you that my “divorce smart, not hard” way of thinking… that’s right; I got it from my mama! 😊
If you have been reading my blog, you know that I do not have any children. I have three handsome, amazing nephews whom I love with all my heart. I don’t know how it feels to be a mom, but I know how it feels to be a deeply loved daughter. So to any moms out there in the middle of a separation process, be strong! Keep your tolerance and respect at the highest level, always. You are the role model for your children, and they deserve to have a smooth process the same way you deserve it. Just remember that it all starts within you!
Love,
Irene
P.S. Happy Mother’s Day to all the awesome moms!!! MOM, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!! ❤️❤️❤️
