This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
Who am I to give you advice on divorcing the smart way?
I would like to start this journey by telling you I know your pain. I asked the divorce question on Valentine’s Day! Yes, it was that bad!
I am not a therapist or a lawyer. I am not a divorce expert whatsoever.
I am someone who went from being “happily married” (I thought I was) to being extremely peacefully, freely and happily divorced.
I am not here to say that divorce should be the answer for all marriage issues. I am pro-marriage, pro-love, pro-relationships, and I support all kinds of therapies that help couples to fix their issues.
I just want to be a voice for those of you who have tried everything to fix your relationships and still feel the emptiness in your hearts. I know how painful it is to feel completely lonely while living with someone you thought was everything to you. I too made my shower time my daily crying session.
I felt the pain in multiple ways. I was really confused because I did not know how to end what I thought was the perfect relationship, but at the same time, I felt so empty inside. I gave all I had to fix the relationship, but it was so broken that every single attempt to fix it pushed us even further apart. And then after I asked for a divorce, I did not know what to do with my life. I felt lost and with the biggest fear I have ever felt. If you are in this situation, believe me I know your pain.
The pain is inevitable. That is a fact. You will feel it come and go the same way we experience all feelings in life. Some days we feel like we are strong enough and we will survive, and other days we just keep asking how we ended up here. The good thing is that pain is not permanent. It changes gradually and if you pay close attention to it, you can heal through it.
Please know that you will overcome that pain. It won’t last forever, even though some days it looks like it will. I just want you to be crystal clear on the fact that time alone will not take the pain away. You will need to work on yourself, and it takes a lot of work! The first and most important skill you will need to develop in order to overcome this situation is awareness. If you are not aware of your pain and the reasons behind it, it would be impossible to heal.
The time will pass anyways. You have to decide what you want to gain from the time passing by. There are thousands of techniques you can use. There are millions of books and articles you can read. You can go to therapy, counseling or talk to your friends. There are infinite possibilities to bring the best out of this situation. The only thing you need to do is deciding you want to be in a better place once and for all. It is not easy, but it is the smartest decision you can take. Nobody will do it for you. This is your situation and no one in this world can help you to make it a good experience if you do not take action.
I was legally divorced a little more than 6 months ago. I can assure you I am happier than ever before, and the peace I have in my mind is a blessing. I want to share my journey with you because I know is possible to get a wonderful outcome out of a situation that may appear a nightmare at times.
I still see and work with my former husband every day. We have a nice and healthy friendship and business relationship. Even though many people told me to give up on my business so I would not have to continue seeing him every day, I took the chance to go through the pain of separation while working with him. The challenge is bigger when the only option you have is to stay close, but I promise you that is absolutely possible to let go the suffering under that circumstances.
I am here to tell you how working on myself and making my mind my little b…, and not the other way around, made my divorce the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I am making more money. I am healthier. I am smarter. I am a much better version of myself. I used my divorce as a tool to fix me. I lost myself while I was married, and I have found me again through my divorce. If I did it, anyone can do it!
I realized that my purpose on this beautiful journey called life is to help as many people as I can to divorce smart, not hard. I promise you it is possible to get a peaceful outcome.
I will be posting every week to give you all the tools I have used and all the lessons I have learned through this process. I will be here to listen to you and support you as much as I can. I want you to be happier and to find yourself again.
You are not alone in this situation. You are capable of overcoming this in the best way you can imagine. You are enough and you are totally able to divorce the smart way!
Love,
Irene
