Heartache…

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I wanted to write about a cool subject today. Usually, when I sit here to write my weekly post, the main idea is already swimming around with the other million thoughts in my mind. That was the case this week. I was ready to write about something I’ve been structuring in my mind since last week, and it was a nice reality check on a cool subject.

 

But I sat down and couldn’t do it because my heart is aching. I feel like many of our hearts are aching right now. I usually don’t bring negative news to this space because my goal here is to make my contribution toward creating a more empathic and positive world through my writing. However, I can’t stay silent and pretend nothing happened when a mass shooting took the lives of 21 innocent people, 19 of them children.

 

My prayers this morning (and honestly every moment this comes to my mind) were sent to every soul involved in this horrible shooting. I don’t know what else to do. I talk to God because I know He is always there for us. I know He has received all those precious souls with open arms, and I know they are happily playing in heaven right now. But even though I know they’re in heaven, my heart is still aching.

 

The frighteningly easy access to guns isn’t right. I know bad people with bad intentions will always find a way to do damage, but it doesn’t make any sense how easy they have it. As my boyfriend just told me, “It’s harder to buy antibiotics than guns in this country.” If you think about it, that’s the reality we’re living.

 

What can I do? I feel a frustration in my bones, and I’m trying to meet that frustration with kindness, so it doesn’t take more space. But it’s a challenge to remain calm under these circumstances. I want to help, but I don’t know how. So, I keep praying. In my opinion, after every mass shooting, the scars on our souls get bigger. How can we send our children to school without feeling fear? Actually, how can we go anywhere without feeling fear?

 

In my humble understanding of the constitution’s amendments, the second one was added to protect the country and its citizens by giving them the right to keep and bear arms. In other words, not only the militia has the right to possesses arms, but individuals should have the same right in case the militia attempts to oppress the people. Makes sense, right? Still, I’ve always wondered what happens when it’s not the militia that’s oppressing the people, but the people who are abusing their Second Amendment rights to take innocent lives. How many mass shootings need to happen to persuade us to review that amendment? I’m not saying the right should be removed, but we really need to make it harder for the bad apples to get access to such lethal tools.

 

I know this is a political discussion that has been debated for years, and I know politics are dirty and a million other issues are tangled up in this one. But I have the right to hold and express my opinion regardless of the political talk. So, I will keep saying the Second Amendment needs to be revised until we finally see some drastic changes.

 

In the meantime, I have decided to keep embracing the benefits of prayer and meditation. We need to stay close to God, so we feel protected by Him at every moment, and we need to understand how our minds work, so we can use them to serve us and not the other way around. The more I pray, the more I stay connected to God, and I feel no fear when we are together. The more I meditate, the more I understand my anxiety and the calmer I’m able to remain.

 

I don’t have control over what happens externally; even when I don’t like that fact, I have to understand it’s the reality. My heart is aching because I’m human. I don’t like to see others suffering, and I don’t like to see children in any state other than pure happiness. I’m going to let my heart keep aching as long as it needs to, and I’ll keep paying attention to it in order to communicate with God from there. These are my suggestions for you, if your heart is aching as well.

 

Let’s keep being humans, my friends. Let’s band together through tragedies, so we can divide the pain to lessen it. But most importantly, let’s keep God really close, so His hugs can heal our hearts from all pain.

 

To all the families, friends, and people associated with Robb Elementary school in Uvalde, I send you all my deepest love and most fervent prayers! ❤️

 

Love,

Irene