This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
If you are an adult, you have probably faked a smile at some point in your life (or maybe several times, depending on your circumstances). Maybe you’re a parent who doesn’t want your children to know you’re having a bad time. Or maybe you work in a very visible position, and you don’t want people to know that you’re having some difficulties at home. Maybe you don’t want your friends to notice your anxiety or depression. Millions of different situations have the power to make us fake a smile. Sometimes it’s just easier to cover a bad moment with a smile, so we don’t have to explain what is really going on.
I have fake smiled multiple times. I’m not going to say I’m an expert, but I had to learn how to master fake-smiling a few years ago. Even though I got good at it, I don’t list this skill on my resume, because the truth is I don’t like doing it. It makes me feel like I’m cheating on myself. I totally believe that nothing is better in life than a genuine smile. Actually, my philosophy in life is a simple: there is nothing a smile and peanut butter can’t fix.
So why did I master the fake smiles? Easy! Life happens. For example, when I started having serious issues in my marriage, we looked like the perfect couple to the world. I didn’t want to destroy that image; maybe because I didn’t love myself enough at that time. Therefore, for a long time I faked my smiles to the world around me. I would cry for hours at night, but as soon as I was out of bed, I was ready to show the world that my marriage was “perfect” and everything was happiness and smiles.
I managed to fake my smiles and my “perfect” marriage for a time. I really don’t know if I was trying to succeed with the “fake it ‘til you make it” thing, or if I was just too weak to face my reality. Truthfully, deep inside I felt like I wanted to scream and cry sometimes and just get over that nightmare. Finally, I had that inevitable wakeup call moment that made me snap out of the fake world in which I was living.
I went to work one day, and it seemed like just a typical, normal day. I got to the office, put my fake smile on, and started saying good morning to everyone on the way to my desk. A few hours later, I got a personal email. It was from my cell phone carrier, requesting me to log in to my account to confirm some information. I went to the break room, logged in, and did the update. The night before, my ex-husband had told me he was having dinner with a friend, and for some reason I didn’t believe him. I decided to check the call log on his phone, and I discovered he was talking to the same number for hours every single day. I called the number, and of course it was a lady. I almost lost it. But I looked around and remembered I was at work. So I logged out, put my fake smile on, and started walking back to my desk. Halfway there I greeted one of my coworkers, and he stopped walking and asked, “Irene, are you ok?” I said yes, with my fake smile on, but then I asked him, “Why?”
He said, “I’ve noticed that you’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes.”
That precise moment was my wakeup call.
Of course, my life didn’t change immediately after that; it was a process. However, those few words made me realize I was living in a fake world that was not serving me. I promised myself I would not fake a smile EVER AGAIN. I will never forget that moment. It’s amazing how sometimes a little push—something as simple as few words—can make us realize we need to change. Since that moment, I have been working on getting the sparkle back in my eyes, so my smile can be as genuine as it should be.
But even when I was working on myself a lot to align my smile with my soul, I wasn’t sure how to know when the sparkle in my eyes was back. Well, I am happy to announce that I just found out how we can all notice that. This crazy pandemic we are living through has taught us several things for sure, and from my perspective, one of them is to pay more attention to people’s eyes. How can we help it? We don’t have any other option. Wearing a mask removes the option to show our smiles, real or fake. Today, if you really want to show the world you are truly happy, your smile must be genuine. It must emanate from the soul. Your smile should bring light to your eyes. It should show your inner peace through your eyes. Show the world a smile that is pure and honest, not static and fake.
So my dear friends, how do your smiles look through your masks? Do you love yourself enough that people can see you are smiling through your eyes? If your answer is yes, I’m proud of you. If your answer is no, don’t wait any longer. Start cleaning that beautiful soul of yours, so we can enjoy your genuine smile again.
Love,
Irene
