This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
We all have expectations, and we all also suffer from them. Now, I don’t want you to read this and think I am against hopes or believing in possibilities. It’s good to have goals and missions and to think about the items and outcomes we want. We need to create with our thoughts. I totally agree with that mindset, and I practice it every day.
What I am going to talk about is the bad way we tend to use our expectations, or the type of expectations that create more problems than solutions. I am 100% guilty of having let my expectations really hurt me in the past. And I am still working hard to learn how to control this bad habit. I want to share this post with you because I feel like someone who reads this may have the same tendency I used to have of letting my unrealistic expectations totally ruin what could have been a nice experience.
Sometimes when I catch myself letting unhelpful expectations take control over me, I repeat in my head my little reminder: “OK, you are in Pinterest mode; get back to reality.” I call it the Pinterest vs Reality War.
Let me explain myself: I love Pinterest. I find it a very useful type of social media. I learn a lot from its fresh ideas. But I have to be careful with it, because sometimes what I see there is not what I will get. For instance, one day I saw this amazing recipe for a beautiful, perfect white cake decorated with real flowers, and I fixed that image in my head. I am not a baker at all, but I wanted to surprise my family with that beautiful cake for a family get-together. I followed the recipe, but I didn’t have a few of the necessary tools, like the perfect spatula to do the beautiful lines around the cake. So I did my best with what I had. After hours of mixing, baking, yelling at the frosting, and fighting with the flowers for not staying in place, I got my own version of the cake, which to me looked horrible. It did not look at all like the Pinterest picture on my phone.
If you are reading this and you know me well, I bet you know what I did. Yes, I threw the cake away. I know, I know, it’s a sin to throw food away. I’m not proud of that. But I am being honest, to show you how an unrealistic expectation made me act deliberately without thinking at all. I ended up buying a cake from the supermarket to bring to the family reunion. I know my family would have loved the other cake. Maybe they would have joked about it, but they for sure would have appreciated my effort. I spent money, time, and energy on that cake, and then ended up being angry at myself for not getting it exactly like the picture.
And this is only one story out of hundreds, where I have done the same kind of thing. When I was married, I used to create amazing, phenomenal plans for romantic dates. I was so specific in my planning that I even created the conversations I wanted to have during the dates. Of course the dates did not go the way I had planned, and instead of enjoying what was actually happening, I used to get disappointed and totally ruin the moment.
Another example of unmet expectations happened at the beginning of my divorce process. I wanted to go through it with zero down moments—I wanted it to be painless. I was convinced it was totally possible because, come on, we agreed to have a friendly divorce. But as a dear friend would say, “Shit happens, Irene!” I was not taking into consideration that feelings and emotions would get in the way. And now I can tell you that it’s OK to feel those emotions and let them teach us the lessons we need to learn. The details we can’t control are an important part of the equation in the healing and learning process. I can’t change any of the situations where I let my expectations hurt me, but now I am aware of how much they can take away my happiness, and I practice letting the surprise factor do its part.
It is totally fine to have a clear idea of what we want. That is one thing. But we have to let God and the Universe work on the specific details. We have to open some room for the surprise factor, so we can add more color to our lives. The best lesson I have learned this past year is to calm down my obsessive impulse to control every little detail of every situation. I am beyond grateful I started working on that part of myself before this 2020 global craziness. I am still asking God and the Universe for everything I want in my life, but I am letting them freely choose and color the details. Even though I recognize that I like to have control, I can now say that I am enjoying this more relaxing way of living. It feels like freedom.
And if you are wondering about my Pinterest vs Reality War, I can tell you I still love Pinterest and scroll through it every day! Pinterest has the recipes, the workouts, the decoration projects, the beautiful outfits, and pretty much everything I like. But I have come to realize that it is always good to get my own version of the things I work on and for. At the end of the day, I have my own style, and it is amazing to let me be me.
Love,
Irene
P.S.: As you can see on my picture for this post, the cake I made from a recipe I got from Pinterest is not perfect lol. I wanted a cute cake to show you, my amazing readers, a beautiful picture. But I got this one that basically started to fall apart right after I took it out of the pan! Lol! It is all good! The flavor is amazing, and I really enjoyed the process of making it! This is my own version 🙂 It is a blessing to let me be me! So you guys do the same let you be you!
