This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
Life is more beautiful when you have someone to share it with because when you share your lives with someone else, happiness multiplies and sadness divides in two. It’s like a magical math rule that makes everything in life more beautiful. We need the connection with others. We were created to be connected. This is a fact.
I always say that I am pro-marriage, and seeing people in happy relationships makes me happy. I’ve been in happy relationships myself, and it’s wonderful to have that one person to connect with on every level. Being in a healthy relationship is a gift to the soul.
However, I think there’s a misconception regarding divorced people who don’t jump into a relationship right after their divorce. Or at least, that’s how I see it. Since I am still single, people keep telling me that I NEED to find someone right away. The conversations go like this:
Random person who barely knows me: So, Irene… you look great, and you’re still young. When are you going to start dating again? Time flies, you know.
Me: Yeah, I know time flies. That’s why I’m investing a lot of it in myself.
Same random person: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s good. But you need a boyfriend. Not everything has to be about you.
Me: Actually, I think we should all make everything about us because when you know how to take good care of yourself, then you can take care of others in a better way.
Random person: (Looking at me like I said a bad word) Maybe you’re too picky.
Me: Yes, I am! I totally believe I deserve the very best.
Random person: Don’t be like that! You’ll end up single forever.
Me: … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
I used to think like that when I was in my twenties. I stayed in horrible relationships for a long time just to be able to say I was in a relationship. What?? I let guys treat me poorly because I didn’t want society to judge me as a single lady. Crazy, right? I settled for less because I didn’t want to be alone. I know this is way more common than we might think. Back then, I was trying to fit into society’s norm.
A few days ago, I had a horrible pain in one of my teeth, so I called the dentist and made an appointment. I got there a little early and waited in the waiting room for half an hour. While I was there, another person was also asked to wait. She sat down and started talking on the phone. She had the other person on speaker, and they were talking pretty loud and clear (I wanted to clarify this point to let you know I wasn’t being nosy). The conversation was centered on a friend of theirs who got divorced. They were talking about how bad it was and planning how to help their friend find a new boyfriend. I thought it was a normal conversation until the other person on the line said, “I feel bad for her because it’s better to be with someone, even if your significant other is not, like, a good one, you know what I mean?”
The other friend replied, “Yeah, I know. I would rather be depressed in my marriage than depressed and single.”
I was shocked!
Why do we settle for less? Why are we so afraid of being alone? Why do we let our relationship status control our lives? I had so many questions ringing through my head. But the more I kept asking myself why this and why that, the more a word kept coming to the surface: self-love. All these questions have only one answer: we do and feel those things because we don’t have enough self-love. People don’t want to be alone because they don’t like themselves enough to enjoy their own company. In the majority of cases, self-love is not taught; we need to learn it on our own. But it’s hard to learn self-love in a society where the norm is to settle for whatever we can get because we’ve got to have that status.
Life has to give us a strong punch (or perhaps a few punches) to show us the importance of loving ourselves first in order to find that beautiful, special love that makes the magical math rule a reality. In my case, I had to get punched a number of times before I learned this rule. The reason I keep writing about the importance of learning to love ourselves in the strongest possible way is because I hope I might help you realize it before you get punched too many times.
My friends, if you are divorced and/or single, don’t settle for less than you want and deserve. There is no such thing as “too picky.” Wait for what you deserve, because if you don’t demand the best for yourself, who is going to do it? Love yourself enough to know you deserve nothing less than respect and greatness. Don’t let society decide what you deserve. This choice is YOURS.
Love,
Irene
