This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
If there is one thing I am 100% sure of, it is that discipline is a must if you want to succeed at something. It doesn’t matter whether you are talking about our health, finances, relationships, work, education, or fitness goals—if you really want to succeed, you must be disciplined. I’ll bet you’ve heard that many times. But what is discipline, anyway?
I think many people are not clear about the meaning of the word discipline when it is linked to success. They see or hear the word and make an immediate connection to its primary definition: “The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” But this is not the proper definition of discipline when I talk about success. Actually, when I talk about personal success through discipline, I mean self-discipline.
Self-discipline is plain and simple self-control. I know that it is extremely easy to write the words “self-control,” but the actual practice of this technique may well be the hugest challenge to human beings. I didn’t want to dive into word definitions too much, but I needed to explain the difference between the two concepts, so you could get a better understanding about where I’m headed.
Now that we’re clear that being a disciplined person means having self-control, let me tell you how I learned to be disciplined. Yes, you read that right: I learned to be disciplined. And I learned discipline in such a strong way that I can’t go back and become undisciplined. Obviously, this was not an overnight change. I did not take a four-hour online course and read a self-help book and… boom! Done! I became the female, Latin version of Michael Jordan. As with every single learning process, it took me time and unmeasurable dedication. But don’t get discouraged; since I already went through this, I’m now sharing smart ways to gain self-discipline.
The first thing I need you to be super clear on is that learning self-discipline takes time. Actually, it takes a lot of time. This means we have to breathe in deeply and detach ourselves from the instant gratification mode we seem to be in these days. What do I mean by that? Well, we live in a world where pretty much everything is one click/touch away. You don’t believe me? Go to Amazon and search Kopi Luwak Coffee. This is one of the most expensive coffees in the world, and you can get it with one click on your Amazon account. We search everything we want to know online and we get answers within seconds. So yes, we live in an instant gratification world. This gratification is great much of the time, but it has affected our patience really negatively. We want everything to happen immediately. I am sorry to inform you that the learning process is still the same… it takes time!
Now that we are clear that discipline is not an overnight process, let me explain one little trick to you. And no, it’s not a trick to speed up the process. You still need to invest time and be patient. The trick is: make one commitment at a time. If you throw yourself into trying to become disciplined in all aspects of your life at the same time, you are going to fail. I tried this years ago, and I not only I failed at it, I hated it. The route to becoming disciplined is full of failure. So, if you try to tackle multiple things at the same time, you’ll get disappointed with so many things that you’ll start to hate the process. The best way to start the self-discipline/self-control learning process is by picking one thing that you want to make a habit and working on that one thing only.
The key here is baby steps. And when I say baby steps, I mean starting with something simple. My first baby step toward developing self-discipline was drinking water right after I woke up. Simple, right? Maybe it sounds too easy. But if you’re not in the habit of doing this, it takes some time to make it part of your routine. When I first decided to make this a practice, I was so confident in the simplicity of the task that I thought there was no room to fail. Ha! It turned out I was wrong. The first day, I was excited and drank my glass of water right after I woke up. (Hey, don’t judge! It’s OK to get excited about water!) The second day I forgot, and I drank it before breakfast. The third day, I completely forgot to do it, and I didn’t realize it until I was ready to go to bed. So I decided to leave the water on my nightstand that night, so I wouldn’t forget. I went up and down with this routine for a long time, until I finally made it a habit. Now, it’s something I do without thinking. And that is the secret of self-discipline: practice until it’s part of your subconscious routine.
If I got a dollar every time someone told me I am extremely disciplined, I would look like a stripper after a great show, with hundreds of dollar bills stuffed into my clothes (or lack thereof). I laugh a little every single time I hear it because the majority of time, people imply I was born this way. I was not born disciplined, I promise. Nobody is! This attribute is something you learn and develop. It takes practice and time, yes, but anyone can do it.
Why do I talk about self-discipline and self-control in a divorce/separation blog? Simple! Creating new habits is the smartest way to design the new life we need or want to live. And the only way we can create a new habit is by being disciplined about it. So, sit down and pick one little thing you would love to add to your subconscious mind, and then start working on it until you get it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Whether you want to drink more water, walk more, read more, eat more vegetables, meditate, pray, or anything else, pick one thing and start working on building that habit. Once you integrate the first one, the second one will be easier, and the next one even easier. Discipline and self-control are learned!
Love,
Irene
