This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
We’ve all done it—don’t try to lie to yourself by saying you haven’t. We’ve all fallen into comparison mode more times than we would like to admit. Comparing is a very human thing to do. We compare ourselves to others; we compare the people around us with others; we compare the material things we have with what other people have. We even compare things that we shouldn’t because they can’t be measured, like levels of inner peace or fitness progress, for example.
I have many questions around this subject. For instance, is comparison a healthy practice if done correctly, and is there a “correct” way to practice comparison? Can we stop comparing at all if it’s part of being human? Can comparison help us grow somehow? I’ve been evaluating this practice for quite some time, which is why I have so many questions about it. If you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you know I like to look at the actual definition of a subject before I jump into my thoughts about it.
Oxford Languages defines comparison as: “a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.” The definition is simple and straightforward. The practice of comparison is simply taking two objects and seeing how they are or aren’t similar, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If I apply the concept this way, it would be something like, “My hair is short and brown and my friend’s hair is long and black.” If the definition is so simple, then why does this tendency seem unhealthy or hurtful from some points of view and perspectives?
Well, the answer to that question is as simple as the definition. The reason comparison becomes unhealthy is because of all the extra layers we to add to whatever we’re comparing. Let me explain this theory with an example. When I started working out with a serious plan and a trainer, I had lots of expectations. I wanted my body to look a certain way, so I started following some fitness superstars on Instagram. They had these amazing bodies, and they were really good at doing all kind of exercises with perfect form. They also had years of experience, and their bodies are what pay their bills (meaning their only job was to keep those bodies in optimal form). So, who decided to start comparing herself to these amazing fitness superstars? 🙋🏽♀️ Yes, you got it right!
I entered a crazy stage where I beat myself up again and again because the ladies I was comparing myself with were better than me in every regard. They had better legs, better butts, better arms, and amazing six packs … they were extremely disciplined. They had better hair, more money, handsome boyfriends, and better tattoos (yes, I even fell for that one.) Basically, when I was in that unhealthy comparison mode, I felt like I was a joke, and they were incredible fitness badasses. I added so many unhealthy layers to my comparison with these amazing ladies that I was disgusted to even see myself in the mirror. I felt so behind and so small. It was a crazy stage, for sure.
One day, I decided to look a little deeper into my fitness goddesses’ journeys. When I started reading their stories and realized how many years they had been working their a**es off, I somehow felt a little better. They didn’t get those amazing bodies overnight, and they were completely dedicated to their bodies because they were making a living from them. It turned out I wasn’t comparing apples to apples at all. I was comparing my initial (two-months-old) journey to their year 10 or 15-plus years. I was comparing my only hour available a day to work out to their eight hour (or more) full-time training job. My comparison was unhealthy from all perspectives because I was also angry. I was angry because I wanted what they had, but I didn’t understand that each person’s journey is different in all respects.
When we enter into comparison mode, we start adding layers upon layers of things we compare that aren’t comparable, and that’s what makes comparison an unhealthy practice. We don’t compare with the pure intention to better ourselves (the majority of time.) We compare with the wrong approach—to find what’s failing … what’s missing … what’s not okay. So, the practice becomes a punishment. We tend to see what’s lacking instead of finding the opportunities to grow. The cherry on top of the cake is the envy layer we add. Yes, I know it sounds horrible, and we don’t like to accept it, but we tend to top off our comparisons with an evil layer of envy.
Wow. It sounds like comparison is a horrible habit, and we should train ourselves to avoid it. Well, the bad news is that comparison is a human tendency, and we all do it. The good news, on the other hand, is that you can significantly alter this tendency. How do you do that? Well, simply find your purpose and focus on it. I know, I know! For many people, finding their purpose in life isn’t an easy task, but it’s worth the effort. The moment you do it, you start living your life in a totally different, greater way. When you are doing everything in your power to align with your purpose, your negative practices go away. The moment you truly commit to your call, you’ll stop looking into other people’s journeys with envy or bad feelings. You simply won’t have time for that.
When you practice comparison by adding negative layers to it, it’s unhealthy, my friends. Our journeys in life are unique and perfect for each one of us. Like a certain anonymous famous quote says: “Don’t compare your life to others. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.”
Love,
Irene
