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It seems like everybody is talking about the ‘comfort zone’ lately. Well, at least the people I follow, the books I read, and the podcasts I listen to have all been talking about the dangers of staying in our comfort zones. The words have such an intensely negative connotation that I think if you were to create a children’s book using this phrase as one of the characters, it would be the story’s villain. Now, keep in mind that the vast majority of the books I read and the accounts I follow on social media are mainly focused on personal growth and self-development.
“Stay away from the comfort zone!” “Don’t hang out in it!” “Nothing grows in the comfort zone!” These are some of the sentences I see or hear when I read or listen to people talk about the comfort zone. Isn’t it crazy? How could a phrase that uses the word ‘comfort’ generate this amount of negativity? Let’s analyze this trend together and see where it takes us.
What is this spooky comfort zone anyway? Wikipedia defines it as follows: “A comfort zone is a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress.” You’re probably thinking, “Um, Irene … nothing about that definition is spooky or terrifying. Have you lost your mind?” Well, no, I haven’t lost my mind, and yes, you’re right. There’s nothing scary about that definition.
Judith Bardwick first introduced comfort zone fear back in 1991. She defined the comfort zone as, “a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.” Notice the key words: limited set of behaviors and steady level of performance. If you are looking to grow even a little in any area of your life, then obviously you won’t make it by staying in your comfort zone. The safe zone is where we all remain the same. Is that a bad thing? Well, that depends on what you want.
In my humble opinion, the comfort zone is not just one place where we land and unpack everything we have. I believe the comfort zone is divided into multiple areas. For instance, you may be planted in your romantic relationship’s comfort zone while walking away from your professional career comfort zone. It makes more sense to me to divide the comfort zone by different life arenas because humans have the amazing capacity to mentally and emotionally compartmentalize.
Let’s go back to the question, “Is it a bad thing to stay in my comfort zone?” As I mentioned before, it all depends on what you want. For instance, I’ve always been afraid of making new social connections. It’s so bad that I still remember how anxious I got the first day my mom took me to kindergarten. I even broke my brother’s lunch box (he loaned it to me to make me feel a little better). I was at such a bad level of anxiety and terror that I smashed the lunch box against the floor in an attempt to make my mom take me back home with her. It didn’t work, though! I had to stay there, and it was all fine. Nothing bad happened. However, the fear of going to unknown places where I have to socialize is still part of me; I’ve simply learned to live with it
In fact, I’m sharing this story with you after recently experiencing an episode of social anxiety. I signed up a week ago for a new yoga class about which I’ve always been curious. For the entire week before the class, I did battle with my own mind. I came up with several silly excuses to convince myself not to go. Thank goodness I was aware it was just my anxiety trying to pull me down, so I went to my amazing class and totally loved it.
I’ve stayed in my social comfort zone for a long time, while fighting to take myself out of my fitness comfort zone at the same time. My personal experience has taught me that every time I push myself out of my comfort zone because I want to improve in some way, it has been worth it.
My point here is that we all have a comfort zone for each particular area of our lives, and we can be in different stages for each of them. I feel like if we attempt to leave all of our comfort zones at the same time, we may get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. We need to decide where we want to grow and then prioritize those areas.
Now, if you feel great in your comfort zones, stay there! How do you know if you’re completely at ease and happy in your comfort zone? It’s as simple as knowing that nothing bothers you in there. The comfort zone isn’t healthy if you feel stuck and it causes you discontent or unease. Whenever you have the feeling you need to grow in one particular area of your life then it’s time to move away from the comfort zone and unpack your bags in the growth zone.
The comfort zone is only bad if it bothers you, my friends. If you feel totally happy where you are, stay there! Always do whatever serves you better and makes you happy!
Love,
Irene.
