This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
If you read any self-help book or listen to any podcast on personal growth, you will notice that they all mention clarity as an important aspect of developing yourself in order to become a better version of you. It goes without saying that we must be clear about what we want so that we may go after it, but it isn’t easy to obtain the level of clarity needed before embarking on the next level of bettering ourselves.
I’ve read about this idea no less than a hundred times, but it was only when I was ready to fully understand the concept of clarity that it finally clicked. I am speaking, of course, from a feminine perspective because well, I am a woman. For me, it is a challenge sometimes to know exactly what I want. Let me give you an example. During the honeymoon stage of my married days, I used to go to a lot of restaurants. My ex-husband and I were really into trying all the new restaurants around the city. We would hear about a new place, and we would immediately plan on checking it out that same weekend (most of the time, even on the same day). It was all fun and excitement until the menu was in front of me. The bigger the menu, the worse my anxiety. It was a nightmare for me to see all those options and have to choose one. Some days, I really wanted to try something new, but I was so afraid I’d end up disliking it, that I would choose something I knew – just to be safe. I call this the “Restaurant Menu Rule.”
You may be thinking, “Well, it is ok to feel that way when you go to a restaurant. It happens to lots of people, and it is pretty normal.” Yes, it is normal. My point here is that life itself is a restaurant menu. For everything, we have so many options to choose from, that achieving and maintaining clarity can be really difficult. Think about it. From the moment you wake up in the morning, you are presented with hundreds of choices, from what you would wear to work, to what you would make for dinner. And we are in such a fast-paced society, that most of the time, we don’t notice we are constantly making choices. Ideally, we do this on autopilot. For things about which we are crystal clear, we do not mess around with multiple choices.
If you pay close attention, you will notice that some days are easier than others when it comes to the choosing game. But why is that? Easy! When we are crystal clear, decisions come naturally. Let’s imagine it is the beginning of football season, and you get an email from work suggesting you wear your favorite team’s shirt the next day. You wake up the next morning, and you know exactly what to wear. In this case, the level of clarity in your mind was helped by external circumstances, but I just want you to get the point. Knowing what we really want, or need, is the needle in the compass that directs our lives. This might sound a little cheesy, but it is totally true.
A few months ago, the importance of clarity dawned on me. As I mentioned before, I have read about it so many times that it was already in my subconscious. If you have been reading my blog, you might know that I am very dedicated to body training and healthy eating. Today, I am crystal clear about what I want for my health, and that is the reason I eat and train the way I do. But how did I get this clear? Last year, I had my annual health checkup, and I had already been working on eating healthier. When the doctor saw my lab tests results, he told me, “Irene, this is great. Whatever you are doing, keep that up. I really wish all my patients were half as healthy as you are.” I left his office with the biggest smile you can imagine. That was the best feedback I could have gotten after being told years earlier that I needed to be on cholesterol drugs for the rest of my life. I was told that my body was producing bad cholesterol even though I was eating “healthy.” After that, I committed myself to keeping everything under control by changing my diet. And, I was successful! When I saw that my dedication paid off, the feeling of clarity that I had about my health was as bright as the sun on the sunniest day. I am beyond happy to report that I don’t need any drugs to keep me healthy.
On that day, the concept of clarity clicked for me. It is only when we are crystal clear about what we really want, that we make the best choices automatically. Eating healthy and training hard is totally satisfying to me. I love doing it because I know what I am getting back from it, and that is completely aligned with what I truly want. I love and respect my body so much, and I don’t let bad choices interfere with that level of love.
Now that I understand the concept of clarity, I apply it to every aspect of my life. I’ve met a few guys in the past several months, and I almost let my past “Restaurant Menu Rule” take over my decision-making. This means I almost fell into relationships that were not worthy nor aligned with my clear ideals just because it felt safe to have a relationship at that moment. I can proudly say I did not let that happen. I am so clear about what I want, that I am not letting anything less enter my life.
If you recently left a toxic relationship that was eating at your inner peace, and you are feeling weak and want to go back because it feels “safe,” please sit down and write out what you really want from a relationship. And do not let anything less than that even be an item on your life’s menu. For every single thing in your life, do this same thing! You deserve only the best, but you must be crystal clear about what the best items in life look like before you can go after them!
Love,
Irene
