This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
If you are an adult, chances are you’ve borrowed many things by this point in your life (clothes from your friends and siblings, books, money, cars, ideas, romantic partners 🤷🏼♀️, etc.). Borrowing is a common human practice, and nothing is wrong with it as long as you return the items under the expected circumstances.
What has captured my attention about the borrowing practice lately is that I keep seeing, with increasing frequency, people “borrowing” things that are not meant to be borrowed, like integrity, honesty, transparency, and good intentions. Does that sound crazy to you, too? I know, right?! How can some people think my integrity is something they can use like it’s theirs?
This subject is a little complicated to explain, but I’ll do my best, using an example. I have a friend (“Tom”) who owns a store with another friend (“Bill”). Their personalities are very different. Tom is extremely honest, and his level of integrity is impeccable, whereas Bill’s personality is more inclined toward doing what’s convenient for him. In other words, Bill makes some decisions based on what’s easiest in the moment, regardless of whether some rules or principles get broken. His moral code is a pretty typically “the ends justify the means.”
Tom (my extremely honest friend) told me the other day that the two of them went to the bank to ask for a loan to finance some improvements the store needs. They sat with their banker, and as the conversation went along, Tom noticed Bill was saying some things that weren’t true. When he tried to interject, Bill didn’t let him do it. They went back to the store, and Tom wrote an email to the banker explaining the truth of the matter. The next day, the banker replied, letting him know she would approve the loan because she trusted him and his honesty.
Bill read the email and didn’t say anything. A few weeks later, after they received the money, they created a special project for their more trusted employees to take care of the store improvements. When the project started, Tom discovered one employee was lying about the numbers in the budget and the dates to complete everything. They called that employee to a private meeting, and Bill fired the employee for lying.
When the employee left, Tom said, “I’m confused. It’s okay for you to lie to the banker, but it’s not okay when someone lies to you? I mean, I get what this employee did was wrong, but you do the same all the time.”
His partner then said, “I use your level of honesty and integrity to run the store. In the eyes of our employees, WE are upright and honest, and I want everyone here to borrow that from us. Our employees need to be as honest as you are, so our business can grow.”
Wait, what?
Bill “borrows” Tom’s level of integrity and honesty for his personal gains. He’s not honest himself, but because his partner is, he pretends people can trust him too. Isn’t that super crazy?
Other people’s qualities cannot be borrowed. Honesty, transparency, and integrity are difficult for most people to exhibit because they’re inconvenient. When no one is watching, people have the tendency to do whatever is easiest, and many times what is opportune is not necessarily honest. A husband or wife who cheats can’t say their marriage is perfect based on the fact that the other person doesn’t cheat. No one can borrow honesty or integrity from others. To call yourself an honest person, you need to practice honesty on your own, ALWAYS. To call yourself an honorable person, you need to practice integrity, ALWAYS.
Those qualities are not even genetically hereditary. The most honest mom and dad in the world could still have a dishonest child. True, most of us follow examples, so it’s highly probable that if our parents are a great example, we’ll follow that lead. Still, in some instances that doesn’t happen. Being honest and upright is your choice. You are completely responsible for that.
I’m not sure if people can learn to be honest if they’ve been dishonest for a long time. I haven’t seen that yet, but I want to believe it’s true. However, my experience in life has shown me that people who constantly lie about the most insignificant things can’t simply learn to be honest. My dad says, “A liar is always a liar.” And absolutely no one can “borrow” honesty from others. They may try to get away with that for a little while, but their true nature will always make an appearance.
Borrow the things that can be borrowed, my friends. But protect your good name by practicing the best qualities in life, like honesty and integrity, on your own. Be good and do the right thing, ESPECIALLY when no one is watching because at the end of the day, your best friend from the upper level (a.k.a. heaven) is ALWAYS watching.
Love,
Irene
