This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
It seems like a life rule that when we face challenges, everything seems to happen at once. In the middle of a tough situation, a hundred mini-battles appear out of nowhere. I used to get really frustrated with this scenario, but after several tests of my strength, I now see it as something good. The tougher the challenge, the more I grow. My reaction now is: Bring it on, baby! Bring it on!
For long time, I thought a good strategy for facing challenges on top of challenges was to take a break to recharge and then fight whatever was waiting. What that really means is that I gave myself the option to go hide for hours, even days, and cry my lungs out whenever I felt something was “too much.” Maybe that was a privileged time and I was not aware of it, but I had the strong belief that it would always be an option.
For example, a few years ago, I had a miscarriage after trying for a long time to get pregnant. I can tell you, the physical pain of a miscarriage is one thing, but the emotional agony can take the strongest person down in a second. A thousand thoughts and emotions wash over you. Even when you do your best to keep your faith strong during that tough time, the roller coaster of hormone-related feelings can mess you up in seconds.
The night before the miscarriage, I remember I went to bed experiencing the strongest fear I had ever felt in my life. Somehow I knew that something was not right. I obviously did not sleep; instead, I prayed all night, holding my belly and asking God to please let me keep that baby. At 4AM I could not hold it in anymore, and I started crying out loud. My husband woke up, and I said I was sorry about a million times. I knew what was happening, but I really did not want to face that reality.
We went to the emergency room, and while we were waiting for the results of the blood test, my husband told me he needed to leave because he’d received a call to clean an apartment. There it was: another challenge on top of the challenge.
This all happened the very same week we were opening the business, and of course we could not reject any job. I told him to go because I would be fine. I lied to him! I was not fine. I was a total mess inside, facing one of the saddest situations I’d had in my life. I needed the company and the support, but I knew that it was not an option.
When the doctor came in to tell me the bad news I already knew. I asked her if it was common, and she explained the statistics: one in every three women experience a miscarriage. I let that number sink in. I called my mom, and she came to pick me up and took me to my apartment. And here is one more challenge on top of the challenge: we were moving out that week because we needed to reduce our expenses to start the business.
I got home and continued to pack our lives in boxes. The doctor had told me I needed to rest for the rest of the week, but that was not possible. I cried my lungs out while packing, and when I found the seven pregnancy tests I had taken four weeks earlier…Lord, that felt like a stab directly to my heart. I felt guilty. I felt like a failure. I felt I did not do my best to keep my baby alive. My emotions were so strong that I thought for a moment my heart would not be able to hold them. This was too much! I wanted to go hide and cry until I felt strong again. But I did not have that choice.
The next day, we got a call to clean two apartments, and I needed to go help my husband. It was a lot of work for just one person, and we could not say no. He asked me many times if I was OK to do that, and every time I said yes. I put my hair in a ponytail, washed my tears off, and showed up. We went to clean, finished both apartments, and then came back home to finish packing. During one of the saddest times in my life, I did not have the luxury to hide and cry. I did not even have the time to grieve for my baby.
I learned from that experience that showing up, even when you think you are in the worst shape to do it, actually helps you to move on. When you do not have any other option but being strong, you will see that you are completely capable of bringing all you have to the table, and you will become stronger than you were before. Life is a test. Just by showing up and confronting the challenges on top of the challenge, you get a 90% on that test.
We humans are all different; our situations are unique. But I can assure you, our life tests are designed specifically for us, because God knows he has sent us on this journey completely prepared to pass the tests. Show up! You have all you need to overcome every single hardship you go through!
Love,
Irene
