This post is also available in: Español (Spanish)
I’m going to be brutally honest, here. Separation comes with lots of “down” moments. Just when you feel you have made great progress, something called a memory pops up and drowns you, big time. This is the truth.
It’s normal to let memories take you back to square one. You see a picture, listen to a song, eat or smell something that triggers recall, and immediately you find yourself crying your lungs out or cursing in anger (no judgement here). You’re human. We function that way. We spend the marriage storing memories, and it’s impossible to delete them when the relationship is over.
Since you don’t have a way to delete those memories, whether they are good or bad, you have to learn to be aware that they are just that: memories. They are no longer your reality. I know, I know, it’s easy to say, but doing it is a whole different game. Well, awareness is a muscle. If you want to build it, you must work it out. And when I say work it out, I mean you need to commit to that practice as if you are an Olympic champion with a gold mindset.
Once you develop your awareness muscle, you will be able to live your life in a totally different and amazing way. Let me explain myself better. When you reach a great point of awareness, it feels like you’ve been in a dark room full of obstacles that you were constantly running into, and suddenly someone turns on the light and you are able to see the obstacles. You’re not blundering around in the dark anymore. You have the beautiful light to see where the barriers are, and you can take yourself in a different direction.
You can implement multiple techniques to work on your awareness. I will be sharing the ones that I constantly use. Today, I’ll start with one that I think is the most important right after separation. And let me tell you something funny about it: I started this awareness workout technique, but even I was not aware I was building a muscle. HA!
My awareness workout started when I decided to stop the scroll-down insanity. Yep! I’m referring to that crazy thing called social media. I watched this motivational video on YouTube; it was super cool. One thing they said was to avoid looking at your social media first thing when you wake up. So, no Facebook, IG, Twitter, etc. They explained the negative impact of comparing yourself with others right after you open your eyes and are getting ready to start your day. That point of view made total sense to me, so I decided to give it a try and stop scrolling down my social media first thing in the morning.
After a few days of this practice, I noticed I gained more time for my morning routine, and I also started feeling more confident. Of course, I was still scrolling down my social media later on in the day. I mean, I needed to know what my people were doing. And when I say “my people,” I mean family, friends, artists, and the people who I don’t know, but who are virtual social media “friends.”
I did not realize how much I was comparing myself to others. Whether you’re doing it in a positive way or a negative way, it doesn’t matter. Comparing ourselves to others’ social-media-standard lives is like drinking a type of poison that slowly kills our souls.
I read this wonderful book called The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer (the one I recommended last week in my Feed Your Mind section), and one of the million great lessons I learned from that book was how to stop myself from doing certain things.
In the book, Singer explains that the only thing you need to do in order to stop yourself from doing something is just that. Stop. Easy, right? Yes, it is as easy as stopping. There is no magic pill or miracle patch. All you need to do is decide you are not doing it.
When I read that, I laughed. I remember I told to myself, “HA! Right! You try to convince my brain and then we can talk, Michael.” Of course, that was when I though my brain and thoughts were these powerful things that were in total control of me.
But for some reason, that sentence, “It is as easy as stopping,” hit me really hard. Weeks later, I was scrolling down the usual mountain of posts, and I stopped on a particular picture. I stared at the picture for a moment, and that’s when I decided I was going to stop scrolling down. So I did.
I did not delete my social media apps from my phone. I did not turn off my notifications. I decided I was taking a vacation away from scrolling down and just like that, I stopped. Now, a long time ago I made a commitment to myself to post a positive message every single morning, and so I keep doing that. If you happen to be the first post on my feed, I will like your post, but I do not scroll down.
Do you want to know the results?
My life improved 90%, and I got time to work out my awareness muscle.
I learned three major things from my vacation away from the evil practice of scrolling down:
- Positive or negative comparison will affect you at some point, and it is not worth it. Most of the time, social media standards are not real.
- Separation healing is easier when you take a break from seeing what other couples are doing every day.
- Improving your life from the inside out requires time. Checking social media is so addictive that you may spend hours on it without even noticing it. You need to pay close attention to choosing the best option regarding where to invest your time.
Do you think you can take a vacation from social media in order to recoup some time to work on your awareness muscle?
If you try this and see some kind of improvement, please let me know!
Love,
Irene
P.S.: Don’t forget to check my Feed your Mind page. You will find all my recommendations on books, Podcasts, people, places, etc.
