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I already wrote about attachment in a previous post, but it’s such an intense practice that it may require more time to explore.
Unconsciously, we can get attached to just about anything and anyone. We get attached to material things, to people, to places, to habits, to feelings … you name it. In the meditation world, we often hear the phrase “let go,” but even though we’re physically designed to be able to let go, our minds have a tendency to glue themselves to everything and everyone that makes us feel comfortable. Please notice that I used the word “comfortable,” not the word “good.”
The most interesting phenomenon around attachment, in my perspective, is that we don’t need to feel good to get attached to someone or something. To understand this concept (because it’s easier to see what’s wrong in others rather than ourselves), think about that family member or friend who’s glued to an abusive significant other. You hear them complaining all the time, right? You may have even seen some actions that would have made you leave immediately, but they can’t seem to do it. They don’t feel good at all, but they’re completely attached to that person. What about that friend who hates his or her job with their whole soul, but they stay there as if they had no other options at all?
We all have strong attachments in different aspects of our lives, even if we don’t like to admit it. For example, I found myself losing my mind a few months ago because the market I go to was out of my favorite toothpaste. It was so bad that I even went online to try to get it directly from the producer. My mind was completely closed to the idea of trying a different one. That sort of irrationality is what attachment can create when we’re not aware of it. We become dependent in such an extreme way that we’re not able to see other possibilities. Attachment places us inside a box, and once we’re there, we live our lives in a type of darkness that can be dangerous.
When I mentioned at the beginning that we’re physically designed to be able to let go, I was being literal. We have to let go of the air that nourishes our lungs every single time we breathe in. We can’t hold on to the breath because at some point, it will become toxic. So, we may enjoy the feeling of the air coming in, but our bodies are designed to let that nice feeling go without hesitation. Isn’t it crazy that our bodies know how to let go, but our minds don’t understand the practice? It seems like our minds aren’t able to unlearn attachment once they learn it.
Romantic relationships are the best example to measure the level of toxicity attachment can generate. I found myself analyzing this idea after I read something in the news. I know, I know… I rarely read the news because I don’t like the negative vibes around it, but I forced myself to do it few days ago after I saw a lot of police activity in a grocery store across from my office. I wanted to know what happened, so I searched Google for local news. I never found anything about what happened there, but I read some crazy stories while I was looking.
The one that brought my attention to attachment was a story about a woman who was incarcerated after she tried to hire a hitman to kill her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. She was sentenced to six years in jail, and she’ll be monitored for twelve more years after she finishes the sentence. Crazy, right? Her life was hit by her own actions, and the consequences will make it harder for her to leave that dark box where attachment has placed her.
That’s what attachment can do to our minds. When romantic relationships come to an end and we’re not ready for it because we fell into that strong, poisonous glue attachment can create, our minds aren’t able to see with clarity. We refuse to leave the box because we’re comfortable in it. Maybe we were happy in the relationship or maybe we weren’t, but in either case, we should be able to let go of what was so we can welcome what will be. Attachment separates us from enjoying the present moment. When we’re not able to let go, we stay prisoners in our own minds. Attachment gives the mind crazy power to control every part of us.
I know letting go is easier said than done because I’m as human as everyone else. I’ve attached myself to people, to feelings, to material things, and everything in between. When I feel comfortable, I let myself stay there because, well, it feels comfy! Awareness is the best tool I can think of to become less attached. In my experience, the enjoyment of feeling comfortable is even better when I don’t get to that toxic point of blind attachment. Separating our inner peace and happiness from everything external is the best way to become truly free.
We really need to unlearn attachment, my friends. The more able we are to let go, the more we’ll enjoy every situation in our lives. Our minds can let go the same way our bodies are designed to do it. It’s only a matter of deciding we can do it, and then taking the actions to get to that amazing point of freedom.
Love,
Irene
